Standings

After 2 games. Seeded by record.

Seeds go by record. Ties are settled by head-to-head, then by point differential (the sum of every game's margin), then by a coin flip the Despot makes. The two division leaders take seeds 1 and 2.

Provisional order: a tie is still to be settled.

Playoffs · seeds 1–6
1 Burning Man Stupid 2-0 +7
2 Risotto Buzzkill Drunken 2-0 +2
3 Peazy Stupid 2-0 +4
4 Bucket of Dicks Drunken 1-1 +3
5 The Quick Trippers Stupid 1-1 +3
6 Nepal Flood Monkeys Stupid 1-1 +1
Playoff line
Bitch Bowl · seeds 7–14
i
Below the line is the Bitch Bowl, where the loser of each game advances. Win a Bitch Bowl game and you escape to the King Shit of Fuck Mountain bracket. Lose the final and you are the Bitch.
7 Mittens Drunken 1-1 0
8 Benihana Bob Drunken 1-1 0
9 The Evil Drunken 1-1 -1
10 Smurphs Drunken 1-1 -5
11 Monkey's Bitch Stupid 1-1 -6
12 Sweet Little Nephew Stupid 0-2 -2
13 Commodore Puddles Drunken 0-2 -2
14 Shaved Cats Stupid 0-2 -4

Tap a team for its roster and schedule. The number under the record is point differential.

How seeding works

Record first. A tie goes to head-to-head, then to point differential, then to a coin flip the Despot makes.
In a tie of three or more, the team that wins the tiebreak takes the seed and the rest start over from head-to-head.
The two division leaders take seeds 1 and 2 and sit out the first playoff week. Seeds 3 to 6 play in. Seeds 7 and below go to the Bitch Bowl.
Point differential is the sum of game-score margins, so a 7–1 win is worth more than a 5–3 one even though both are one win.
Only finished weeks count. A week is added once every NFL game in it is over; a live scoreboard never moves the standings.
division winners take seeds 1-2 and the week 15 byes (Burning Man, Risotto Buzzkill).

Full text: rules on standings and the postseason.